Relationships are tricky enough without adding the responsibility of great wealth to the mix. One of our coaches likes to say, “You can be right, or you can be in a relationship.”
In other words, taking time to understand another’s perspective does not mean you agree. It simply shows them you care enough to hear what they’re saying. And it allows you to make sure you understand their meaning, not just hear their words. In these divisive times, we encourage our family members to put aside their need to be right and put their relationships center stage.
Evolution is about keeping your value proposition relevant. The number one concern among high-net-worth families is whether their wealth will unify or divide their family. Learn to spot the red flags that indicate a family might not remain unified through the wealth-transition process and what to do about it.
- What is your role when family members won’t attend family meetings?
- When family leadership is unwilling to talk about the wealth?
- When the next generation fails to launch?
Inherent in transitioning wealth is the need to navigate challenging conversations. A mantra we use is “The right conversation at the wrong time is the wrong conversation.”
Pay attention to your mood about the conversation and the situation it happens in to increase the likelihood of the conversation going well. Consider inviting the person to the conversation by saying something like, “I’d like to have a conversation about aligning our expectations regarding wealth transition. Is this a good time to have that conversation?”
By inviting people to the conversation, you allow them to opt-in, and that puts the conversation on more equal ground.
The complex conversations needed to prepare heirs for wealth transition are often stalled because family members are afraid of being judged or having their opinions interpreted critically. But delaying those conversations can lead to divisiveness, solidified opposing positions, and increased friction in relationships.
We suggest trying a new perspective: “Be curious, not critical.” Ask more questions from a place of curiosity to understand the other person’s intentions. Ask open-ended questions such as these:
- What do you see is your role in wealth transition?
- What are your expectations of me?
- How do you see this wealth transitioning well to your family?
This allows the conversations to happen on a more even playing field, in a mood of mutual respect, which will give way to more possibilities vs. family members defending their positions.
We encourage our family members to hit the pause button on their reactivity, take a breath and be “curious, not critical” with the people they care most about in their lives.
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