I was recently featured on Kathleen Burns Kingsbury podcast “Breaking Money Silence,” during which we discussed the myth that people who inherit wealth don’t need to learn negotiation skills.
Why? Because oftentimes, there’s a grand assumption that everything’s taken care of and handled. This makes inheritors less equipped to have conversations centered around self-advocacy—whether they’re about money or not.
The Problem
The pressure of living up to what your predecessors have done—whether it be the companies and/or wealth they’ve created—can be quite crippling to those who come after them, including both lineal descendants and inheritors.
This isn’t to mention the shut-up-and-be-grateful lens usually applied to these families. If you’re taught to not ask questions and be grateful, inheritors aren’t even provided with a baseline financial education that’s common among non-inheritors. Typically they don’t see or pay any bills, meaning they have little understanding of what it costs to live their lifestyle; that is all handled by someone else (often not even the parents, but the family office or an outside advisor).
Additionally, many inheritors—especially women—never earn their own paychecks; their livelihoods are paid for by the family, trust, etc. Therefore, their self-confidence around being able to earn money doesn’t exist; some have never even been to a bank to cash a check that they’ve worked for. To then be able to sit in a business meeting or boardroom and think they have the ability to navigate those dynamics is unthinkable—so they stay quiet.
And if the people controlling wealth aren’t educated enough to be able to understand what they’re in charge of, advocate for themselves, or even have basic negotiation skills, then we’re putting the economy and global wealth structure in a questionable, if not unstable condition.
The Solution
So what’s the solution?
Teaching self-advocacy and negotiation skills to these inheritors. When we look at the way wealth is situated, 80% of it is actually influenced or controlled by women. But if we haven’t educated or empowered inheritors—regardless of their gender—then it’s going to impact how laws are passed, governments are created, and how anyone else benefits from the system.
Only when we educate this group on how to talk about their own finances and enact systematic change can we push the system to evolve.
Negotiation Skills & Self Advocacy
First and foremost, we really have to know who we are and what’s important to us before we can come to the negotiation table—whether it’s a negotiation in life or business—and this is where self-advocacy comes in.
We weren’t taught in school or socialized to speak up and say, “Hey, wait a second, I’ve got a few questions,” or “Help me understand what we have here.” These types of phrases aren’t part of our vocabulary, which is why the inner work has to happen first. Understanding who you are and what’s important to you is of the utmost importance. That’s because it’s not a question of if you’ll make an impact, but of whether or not that impact will be positive or negative. And if you can’t show up and advocate for yourself, how will you be able to advocate for others?
When you’re good at advocating for yourself in other areas of life, you’ll also become a better money negotiator. That’s because when you’re more confident and comfortable in your own skin, you’ll be able to speak more openly about what you know you deserve in business and finances.